By Stuart Heritage.
The baked bean maker has had to can its ad after the ASA said kids could be harmed by drumming on beans tins. Where was the watchdog when the Hofmeister bear was on a boozy rampage?
The Advertising Standards Authority has banned the new Heinz Beanz advert – in which a succession of people tap out an Ed Sheeran-ish tune on empty cans – on the basis that children might mimic the commercial and cut off their fingers on a jagged scrap of metal. However, it is by no means the only “dangerous” ad. Here are some well-known ads that would no longer make it past health and safety.
John Lewis, 2016
A dog bounces on a trampoline, as happy as can be. However, several animal welfare campaigners have condemned the ad, pointing out the range of injuries and stress that trampolines can cause animals.
Proposed change: Advert now ends with the dog splayed out on the trampoline, howling in pain, while the father gingerly attempts to remove him with a shovel.
Muller Püd Corner, 2015
Nicole Scherzinger becomes so lost in the reverie of her delicious yoghurt that she topples backwards off a chair, laughing adorably. However, the NHS last year treated 13,000 people who suffered chair-related injuries.
Proposed change: Advert now ends with Scherzinger semi-conscious and bleeding, while a man in a bowler hat screams to camera: “Chair safety is not a joke!”
Cadbury’s Dairy Milk, 2007
A lone gorilla sits behind a set of drums, preparing to play along to In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. However, fast-forwarding to 2016, the shooting of Harambe in Cincinnati zoo highlights the dangers posed to humanity by gorillas.
Proposed change: One second before the gorilla’s big fill, he is riddled with bullets. New slogan reads: “Dairy Milk – We just saved you from being mauled to death by this atrocity of nature.”
Hofmeister, 1981
A bear in a hat has a lovely time drinking beer in a pub. However, alcohol consumption in animals can lead to vomiting, weakness, hypotension, coma, hypothermia and death.
Proposed change: Advert now ends with a doctor informing a female bear and two cubs that the Hofmeister bear isn’t going to make it, and everyone sinking to their knees in horrified despair.
Apple, 2007
Paul McCartney walks down the middle of a road, playing a mandolin and singing Dance Tonight, which made it to No 26 in the UK charts. However, on average, one pedestrian dies on British roads every day.
Proposed change: After a line and a half of the song, McCartney is hit by a distracted driver. As he dies in the road, the ghost of Steve Jobs appears before him and barks: “Heaven isn’t real!”
R White’s Lemonade, 1973
A man sneaks downstairs in the dark at night to get a glass of his favourite carbonated beverage. However, this week, Cancer Research UK underlined the dangers of consuming too many sugar-packed fizzy drinks.
Proposed change: Advert is altered to show a man sneaking downstairs at night to prepare a fresh kale salad for himself. When confronted by his wife, he yells: “It’s kale! I’m going to live for ever!” Then he turns to camera and shouts: “EAT CLEAN!”
