I used to be pretty awkward. Example: When I was 15, I asked a girl if she was planning to go to a high school dance called the Sophomore Social.

“No, I’m not,” she said with an adorable smile. “I don’t have any plans at all.”

“Oh,” I said. “O.K.” Embarrassed, I turned and walked away.

Later, my mom convinced me to call her and actually ask her to the dance. Sure enough, we went together and from then on, I was never awkward again.

Ha ha ha. I’m kidding. We went to the dance, and I was even more awkward! Eventually, however, I learned three things:

1. First, it’s possible to isolate emotions like embarrassment and fear and all the rest — to feel them legitimately, but also find ways to function in life despite them, and with significantly less awkwardness.
2. Next — obvious, still: Other people have feelings, too. And their emotions can also get in the way of both their goals and yours.
3. Finally (and I’m probably condensing 20 years here into a single paragraph): I learned that this entire phenomenon of learning to leverage your emotions and other people’s emotions positively is part of a discipline that people have given a name: emotional intelligence.

Also, I learned that instead of flying by the seat of your pants in most situations, you can develop and remember lessons or tricks that help you fake it until you make it, and build your emotional intelligence over time.

Maybe you’ve got a high school dance coming up, or maybe you’re an adult who would just like to be a little less awkward and get more of what you want out of life.

Either way, here are 7 of the simplest tricks I’ve learned — many taught to me by others’ examples — to improve your emotional intelligence and bring your goals a bit closer.

1.    Learn to focus on the point.

Note that I didn’t say, “get to the point.” I just wrote an introduction that ran 300+ words, and you’re still reading, apparently, so I guess it’s not a cardinal sin to go on a bit long.

That said, it was Mark Twain (maybe) who coined the bon mot about how if he’d had more time, he would have written a shorter letter. And he was probably a better writer than I am, so I’d go with his advice.

If you’re a brilliant communicator, meandering can be entertaining. If you’re a mere mortal, well, dragging on triggers emotions — impatience, embarrassment, fear — that can get in the way of your goals.

So, people with high emotional intelligence try not to do that. Instead, they think hard about what the desired outcome of their conversations are, and try to stick to them. It’s the same thing in sales, in small talk, and in getting cute girls to go on dates with you during the Reagan administration.

2.    Learn to flip the message.

Here’s a hard one to internalize, but it’s actually quite liberating when you adopt it.

In short, nobody cares. Nobody cares how much time you put into your product; nobody cares how badly you need to make a sale; nobody cares about how nervous you’ve been before making your pitch.

I mean, maybe they care on a human level, but on a “what are they actually going to do next” level, they care about the other side:

• Not how much time you put into the product, but how much of a benefit will it be to me?
• Not how badly you need to make a sale, but how much I’m going to save by signing on today?
• Not how nervous you are, but how whatever you’re pitching to me is going to make me feel?

People with high emotional intelligence understand this. So, they focus on the second part.

We’re all human so they don’t necessarily do it without fail, but when they sense they’re failing to reach their goals, they remember this point.

3.    Learn to master superlatives.

People with high emotional intelligence: They’re the best, aren’t they? (Actually, they’d probably never say that, because they master the art of superlatives.)

Here’s how it goes:

• They ask questions eliciting superlatives. What was your favorite vacation? What would you most like to do on Saturday? Tell me about the best day you’ve ever had at work.
• But, they don’t offer superlatives. They say they had a great vacation. They talk about a wonderful day. But they shy away from adjectives with “-est” at the end, at least when talking about themselves.

Why? Because superlatives invite competition. People with high emotional intelligence understand that in asking for superlatives, they give the other person in a conversation an opportunity for an easy emotional win.

(“The best vacation I ever had? That’s when we went to Jacksonville, Florida three years ago …”)

But offering superlatives only invites risk. Know how I knew that? Because I’ll bet there’s a part of you that read that last example and thought: “Jacksonville? That’s an unusual choice; I had a much better vacation when we went to … [wherever].”

4.    Learn to communicate via multiple senses.

You don’t even know me (odds are, anyway). Yet, we’re communicating via multiple senses at this very moment:

• You’re reading what I’ve written. (Visual senses; thanks!)
• You’re quite likely holding your phone. (Sense of ouch.)
• If I’m doing an amazing job, you might even be imagining what my voice sounds like.

I’m not sure how smell and taste would work into this particular example, but the point is that people with high emotional intelligence recognized that the more senses with which they communicate, the less awkward and more memorable they become.

My favorite personal example of this is something I’ve written about before: when my accountant — who also happens to be my best friend — sent me a Bible in the mail, then called me and asked me to swear on it that I would get my tax documentation in early.

Senses involve emotion; people with high emotional intelligence know what to do with it. And to bring it back to my pre-fall-of-the-Berlin-Wall dating days, it probably would have been less awkward if I’d, say, given the girl a flower when I asked her plans. (Smell, touch, vision.)

5.    Learn to count to 4.

Four? you ask. Why four? Why not count to five, or seven?

Years ago, a psychologist in the Netherlands published a famous study in which she determined that 4 seconds of quiet — just 4 seconds! — is all it takes in many cases for other people to begin feeling awkward, and to have the psychological need to say something to fill the silence.

So, count to 4. You’re not trying to prompt the kind of awkwardness that they’ll write about 30+ years later on Inc.com, but just enough to prompt them to make the next move in a conversation, and thus keep it going — even if they were the last one to say something, and it therefore seems like it should be your turn.

• “We just aren’t in the market for what you’re selling.” [1-2-3-4.] “I mean, maybe if you come back in an hour, you can check with my boss.”
• “I’m sorry, you didn’t make a reservation so we can’t serve you.” [1-2-3-4.] “Although, maybe you’d want to grab one of the high tops in the bar? They’re more comfortable, anyway.”
• “No, I’m not. I don’t have any plans at all.” [1-2-3-4.] “Why, were you going to ask me?”

6.    Learn to ask more questions.

Here’s one I kind of learned intuitively, but then I went out and got some unique data to back it up.

In short, if you don’t know what to say, ask questions. People with high emotional intelligence seem to understanding that turning the conversation to the other person often eases their anxiety, makes them feel welcome, and makes conversations less awkward.

A while back, I got the idea to dump the full transcripts of the top 25 TED Talks of all time into a word cloud generator, and figuring what came up most often. Short version: the words “laughter” and “applause” were at the top, signifying that these were conversations more than they were speeches.

Even on stage, 15 percent of the speakers’ sentences ended in question marks. They asked questions nonstop.

You should do the same. In fact — get ready for this one; I’m kind of proud of it: Constantly ask yourself the question, “Am I asking enough questions?”

7.    Learn to wait until tomorrow.

Patience is a virtue, isn’t it? And it was Warren Buffett who articulated a specific version of this key practice, which he credits to a fairly legendary 20th century media executive named Thomas Murphy:

“He said, ‘Warren, you can always tell someone to go to hell tomorrow.’ It was such an easy way of putting it. You haven’t missed the opportunity. Just forget about it for a day. If you feel the same way tomorrow, tell them — but don’t spout off in a moment of anger.”

I think I’ve learned to take this one a bit further. You don’t owe most people answers, and you can often decide to give them on your own schedule. Then, all the emotions that sometimes get wrapped up in those delays — excitement, embarrassment, fear — suddenly seem irrelevant.

• “Hey, how do you feel about [insert contentious political issue]?”
• “I’ve addressed the three concerns you mentioned. Is there anything else preventing you from buying today?”
• “LIMITED TIME OFFER!”

People with high emotional intelligence recognize that somebody has to be in charge in these situations, and it may as well be you. Tell them yes or no tomorrow. Or else, never!

Look, I have the zeal of a convert when it comes to emotional intelligence, and I could probably add another 10 lessons here, except that we’re already TK words deep into this article.

In fact, I was trying to capture and catalog and learn these kinds of techniques long before I realized anyone had put a name on the whole thing. I even wrote a free ebook about the subject: 9 Smart Habits of People With High Emotional Intelligence.

Bottom line, however, emotional intelligence isn’t just about empathy or being nice to people; it’s about leveraging emotions to make it more likely you’ll achieve your goals.