Networking for introverts: Strategies to avoid the introvert hangover.
Key points
- Networking isn’t transactional—it’s about building real, lasting relationships.
- Prep in advance: know who’s attending and plan conversation starters.
- Arrive early, bring a friend, and give yourself a time limit.
You’ve heard it before: “It’s not what you know—it’s who you know.” But what if just the idea of going out to meet more people feels draining, and you know it will likely end in an “introvert hangover”—that post-event crash from overstimulation? But you know you need to do it. LinkedIn just announced that 90% of hiring managers say referrals are critical for job placement. Now more than ever, networking and relationship-building need to be at the top of your to-do list.
But if the thought of making small talk and walking up to strangers makes you break out into a sweat, and after one evening of small talk, you crave solitude and a good book, you’re not alone. As Susan Cain describes in Quiet, introverts often lose energy in group settings, making traditional networking events particularly draining.
Even if you are the type of person who has never met a stranger, talking to people you don’t know is hard, and can be completely depleting if you are more introverted. The good news? There are simple strategies to make it less stressful.
Change your outlook
When you enter a room, do you think to yourself, I need to find my new best friend or life partner? Probably not. If you walk into a room and think to yourself that you need to meet someone who can help you get a job, internship or land your next client, you are going about it all wrong.
That mindset treats networking as a transaction, when it’s really about planting seeds, building professional relationships, and seeing what you have in common with people so that they can know, like, and trust you. It’s not about what they can do for you, but more about what you have in common with them, or even better, how you can help them.
Networking starts at home
Before you go to an event, look at the invite or guest list and try to identify whom you might know. Reach out to them in advance with a quick message asking if they will be there and that you look forward to catching up with them.
Networking strategies to conserve your energy
There are several strategies you can implement to reduce anxiety and exhaustion during a social or networking gathering.
Arrive early. While you might want to arrive late because you’re thinking “I’d rather be anywhere else,” consider the strategy of arriving while the room is calm, quiet, and you can get one-on-one time with the host. You can also look for a quiet corner or room to retreat to when you need to recharge.
Don’t go alone. Walking into a crowded room is difficult for most people, so avoid the uncomfortable situation by arriving with a friend or colleague. Having just one familiar face creates a safety net—and they can introduce you to others.
Give yourself a time-limit. No one says you need to be there for the entire event. Decide how long you wish to be there, or who you want to talk to. When that is done, you are free to leave. There are no bonus points for staying until the end—sometimes, just being seen is enough.
Have “starter” and “closing” sentences. No one wants to talk about the weather, so having a surefire way to start and end a conversation is critical. Having some ways to kick off the conversation will remove the awkwardness. “I loved your presentation,” “Where did you get that latte?” or “Where did you fly in from?”—these are all great ways to kick things off. Need a list of great openers? Read my post on 9 Easy Ways to Start a Conversation With a Stranger.
Equally as important is to have a graceful way to conclude the conversation when you’ve had enough. “I have to call the babysitter” or “I’m going to grab a drink” are simple, graceful ways to close the loop.
When networking aligns with your energy, it shifts from draining small talk to meaningful connection. If you don’t think of networking as being transactional, do some preparatory work, give yourself time limits, and have some ways to kick off and close conversations, you’ll be well on your way to meeting new people in a way that energizes rather than depletes you.
Feature Image Credit: Andreea Avramescu/Unsplash
By Ruth Gotian Ed.D., M.S.
Ruth Gotian, Ed.D., is an associate professor of education at Weill Cornell Medicine and author of The Success Factor and Financial Times Guide to Mentoring.